yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
