Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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