one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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