I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
