i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
