I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
