I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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