Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
