ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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