i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
