Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
