I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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