is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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