you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
