my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We just shotgunned beers for America
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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