Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
