sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
