I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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