Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Quick, to the slutcave!
you win again, gameday.
Life is so much better after having sex.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
