I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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