I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
