i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
