im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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