I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
