I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
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how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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