i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
FUCK WHALES
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
