i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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