im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
