You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
