Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
