so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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