next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
