He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
