last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
