i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
