I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
