So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
