you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
