She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i think i just naturally attract stoners
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
