Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
