got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
