Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
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we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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