Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
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Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.