she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
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You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
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Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I need to calm my uterus...