the condom got lost in my hair
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that