im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
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My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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