$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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