please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
