I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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