I just pynch a tree in the face
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
