Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
