Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
