I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the day after is always just damage control
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
