We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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