Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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