your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
