WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
