im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
bring money and cleavage
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
