Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
