if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
