before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
