Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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