Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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