I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
