Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
