i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
