I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
