I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
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I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This is the high leading the old right now
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
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Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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