Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize