Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
